The Last One

Five weeks from tonight my friend is getting married.

In the past I have looked forward to weddings as a time to see friends I don’t normally get to see.  Especially with this group since we live all over the country and have not all been together at the same time in five years…since another wedding.  This wedding will be bittersweet.

Although I am looking forward to spending the weekend with my friends I can’t help but feel a little upset too.  You see we all always thought the friend that is getting married would be the last one to do so, if ever.  Well, that title has now been bestowed upon me. Something I never thought would happen.  For the most part I have been friends with this group since high school we are up to about 19…that’s a lot of weddings.

When I received the save the date card it was addressed to me and guest.  Of course I laughed it off because I didn’t have anyone in my life at that point.  I later found out that my friends were inviting everyone with dates.  Which of course is a wonderful and uncommon gesture considering how expensive weddings are.  My friend Alison said “You have plenty of time to find a date.”  I laughed again knowing my history.  I also decided that with this group of friends I wouldn’t bring just anyone.  He would need to be special.

Days, weeks and months passed, dates happened, guys came in and out of my life, some for longer times than others.  The invitation came in the mail a few weeks ago, tomorrow I get to send the response card back without a “guest” to take.  I keep telling myself that I’m ok with this.  That it doesn’t matter.  That I will get to spend a great weekend with some of my closest friends and not have to worry about them bombarding a guy with a thousand questions.  That since I have known most of the husbands longer than they’ve known their wives, I can steal them for a dance or two.

The truth is, I hate the fact that I will be going to the wedding without a guest/boyfriend/someone special.  No, I wouldn’t bring someone just to bring a date.  These friends mean too much to me and I never feel like a third wheel around any of them.  However, I would prefer to be caring enough about someone to want to introduce them to these friends.  Well, my friend’s son’s Bar Mitzvah is only a few years away…

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About Not Your Typical Girl

Just a girl, who has typical and not so typical girl thoughts. I'll be using this space to talk about anything and everything.
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12 Responses to The Last One

  1. JuddahKie says:

    Stef,

    Enjoy the wedding and spending time with your close friends.

    Life never plays out like we planned it to happen.

    In my “Group” I’m the last one to be married and have a kid.

    I’m also the oldest (by a year or two here and there).

    All my friends are married and have kids.

    I’m in an 11 year relationship (will ask the question sometime this year) with no kids, but we’re happy, own a house and we’re debt free.

    Most of my friends are either divorced or hating life with their wife right now.

    It’ll work out, on your terms, and it’ll be right!

  2. Ben says:

    Whilst browsing Twitter tonight, I noticed we are on a list together while reading said list (blame Katie) and I ended up clicking through links and came upon this post. It’s always interesting reading the thoughts of women, as to this day I am still quite confused by them, yet continually fascinated. This reads to me that you have exactly the attitude you need to have going into this wedding. Go see friends, have a good time, hopefully enjoy the open bar, and be there for your friend on his/her special day.

    However, its defeatist to feel sorry for yourself not having someone special in your life. I imagine everyone except the lucky few have been there once or twice. Pining and hoping for the “magic someone” is akin to looking for money on the ground. Sure, it sucks not having someone, but don’t let it get you down. The only difference between you and your friends is time. Its not about who’s first or last to the altar. Its about finding the right quality person that “gets” you, and it will happen. Have your best relationships come out of nowhere and when you least expect it? That’s how its always worked for me .

    You have exactly the attitude you need for this occasion on the surface, but the comparison to others brings you down. You don’t want to bring a new person into a potentially overwhelming situation with the grilling you anticipate, and you know this. Relationships need time to gestate and a wedding involving close friends is a big deal early on in a relationship no matter where it may “feel” it’s heading. Hell, you may even meet someone at the wedding, as undoubtedly the groom has a male friend in a similar situation.

    Keep your head up and someone will pop into your life when you least expect it.

    Oh, and the Rangers suck 😉 Go Devils!

    • Thanks for your comment Ben. I will remember to yell at Katie tomorrow for putting us on the same blog list. 🙂 I would only bring an extremely important person around these…or any friends. And you’re right, the groom has told me there will be single men at the wedding. I struggled with deciding on making the post public or keeping it to myself. I even went back and forth once I actually did hit “publish”. It took a lot for me to even type out these feelings.

      Only time will tell how I survive the weekend, probably drunk, and the future. I’m not sure I’m pining, just would like it to happen. Although there are days that I truly believe it will never. Oh well….I’ll go back to writing about baseball tomorrow.

      Oh and the Rangers don’t suck. As for your team….meh. 😉

  3. Ben says:

    It can be cathartic just to write about this sort of thing. I did it on my blog for a while as I started it just to keep my mind off of a really bad relationship that went up in flames, but once I got over that I keep to specific subjects. And yea, its Katie’s “Id help you bury a body” list. I admittedly found it hard to speak to a Rangers fan, but I can look past that in certain respects. Just no Sean Avery Love posts, and you’re okay. Plus, the Yankees rule, so thats a good thing.

    Good luck and maybe Ill see ya around.

  4. Todd says:

    Stefanie,

    I’ll probably sound like an idiot or stick my foot in my mouth as I often do……but…….

    You are not in a relationship that you wish you weren’t.
    You are not stuck in a dead end job that you hate.
    You are not a single parent (at least not that I’m aware of)
    You have GREAT friends.
    You are a free spirit.
    You love summer nights at the ballpark and beer – how can that be bad?
    You have this incredible passion for things you love – Yankees, Rangers, your faith, your friends……..
    You have this toughness about you that is funny because it only hides the softer inner that is really you.

    I guess what I mean is, there are a lot of things that could be worse. A lot of things that you could be, that you are not. Things are not perfect, rarely are, but at least you have continued to take the high road to make things better than to take the lower road and just settle for “whatever”.

    It says volumes about you that you will not just take a “date” to the wedding. You understand the expenses of a wedding. You want to bring that “someone special”. You want to share that special person with your good friends. Well it is just my simple opinion as someone you have never met and probably never will, that you will be taking that “someone special” to the wedding – and all your friends are going to be very happy to see her.

    More often times than not, we save the best one for last.

    Take care and see you on the Tweet-side!

    Fowlhunter64

  5. smplefy says:

    I remember about 19 years ago, I was in a bar at closing time. I was 3 months out of a 4 year relationship and felt pretty hopeless. I really wanted to be in a good healthy long-term relationship. A voice in my head said, “When you’re ready”. About six weeks later, I met the woman who would become my wife.

    Perhaps he’s just not ready yet?

    I enjoyed reading this piece. Thanks for being real.

  6. Stephanie says:

    I stumbled on your blog and read this. I don’t know you but your words struck me bc I’ve been there, and it sucks and no matter what everyone says to try to make you feel better, you’re still left without a date. Have fun @ the wedding and good luck!

  7. Cory says:

    Stephanie,
    I stumbled across this while looking at your Shuttle launch video. Now that you’re famous, I’m sure you’ll get a lot of free advice. Certainly take mine with a grain of salt – from one random person on the net to another. I was married for 10 years to my first wife and while I’ve certainly gained wisdom from that experience, it was a long time coming. If you know who you are and are true to yourself, you’ll find what you’re looking for in good time. I thought I was “supposed” to be married. I thought what I found was good enough. The truth is good enough isn’t good enough. Don’t let cultural norms pressure you into making a decision that isn’t right for you. Life is precious and short. You don’t want to wake up in 20 years (or 10!) and think to yourself, “what the @!#$ was I thinking?” A significant other doesn’t define who you are. A significant other is one that accentuates who you are.

  8. Jersey Sports Guy says:

    Great article, I have been in the same boat before Stef, all my friends are married with kids or have long term GF’s. and all the get together’s i felt the same way, but owning my own Italian restaurants for 10 years took me away from the real world, and one day i hope miss right comes walking in.
    So hang in there and he will show up when you do not expect it there are others just like you, you ever want to talk let me know

  9. sophiaa86 says:

    Hi there I completely understand how u feel

  10. If you will know many of the other guests, I see no need to bring a companion, but if you find yourself invited to an event with too many unknown people, bringing a friend or family member might make it more fun for you.

  11. jscapwrs says:

    Watch Bridesmaids and then you should be good to go.

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